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Check out the new Whyzzat Swagspot, for the latest
in cool, frank, and terribly wearable fashion statements!
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Wayne
Site Admin
Joined: 26 Mar 2005
Posts: 270
Location: Huntsville, AL
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Pleasant non-demoninational vacational solicitations.
Posted: Sun Apr 17, 2005 7:35 pm
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MERRY CHRISTMAS, I MEAN HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!!!
December 1st
TO: ALL EMPLOYEES
I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23rd at Luigi's Open Pit Barbecue. There will be lots of spiked eggnog and a small band playing traditional Christmas carols ... feel free to sing along. And don't be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus to light the Christmas tree! Exchange of gifts among employees can be done at that time; however, no gift should be over $10.
Merry Christmas to you and your family.
Patty Lewis
Human Resources Director
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December 2nd
TO: ALL EMPLOYEES
In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees. We recognize that Hanukkah is an important holiday that often coincides with Christmas (though unfortunately not this year). However, from now on we're calling it our "Holiday Party." The same policy applies to employees who are celebrating Kwanza at this time. There will be no Christmas tree and no Christmas carols sung.
Happy Holidays to you and your family.
Patty Lewis
Human Errors Director
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December 3rd
TO: ALL EMPLOYEES
Regarding the anonymous note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table, I' happy to accommodate this request, but, don't forget, if I put a sign on the table that reads, "AA Only," you won't be anonymous anymore. In addition, forget about the gifts exchange-- no gifts will be allowed since two union members filed a grievance stating that $10 is too much money.
Patty Lewis
Human Beings Director
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December 7th
TO: ALL EMPLOYEES
I've arranged for members of Overeaters Anonymous to sit farthest from the dessert buffet and pregnant women closest to the restrooms. Gays are allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do not have to sit with the gay men; each will have their table. Yes, there will be a flower arrangement for the gay men's table.
Happy now?
Patty Lewis
Human Waste Director
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December 9th
TO: ALL EMPLOYEES
People, people -- nothing sinister was intended by wanting our CEO to play Santa Claus! Even if the anagram of Santa" does happen to be "Satan," there is no evil connotation to our own little man in a red suit."
Patty Lewis
Human Ratrace Coordinator
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December 10th
TO: ALL EMPLOYEES
Vegetarians -- I've had it with you people!! We're going to hold this party at Luigi's Open Pit whether you like it or not, you can just sit at the table farthest from the "grill of death," as you Vegans put it, and you'll get salad bar only, including hydroponic tomatoes. But, you know, tomatoes have feelings, too. They scream when you slice them. I've heard them scream. I'm hearing them right now... Ha! I hope you all have a rotten holiday!
Drive drunk and die, you hear me?
The Bitch from Hell
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December 14th
TO: ALL EMPLOYEES
I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy recovery from her stress-related illness. I'll continue to forward your cards to her at the sanitarium. In the meantime, management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd off with full pay.
Sincerely,
Mitch Kaumstein
Acting Human Resources Director |
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metalman
Joined: 31 Mar 2005
Posts: 130
Location: Laredo, TX
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Re: Pleasant non-demoninational vacational solicitations.
Posted: Sun Apr 17, 2005 7:44 pm
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| Wayne wrote: |
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December 10th
TO: ALL EMPLOYEES
Vegetarians -- I've had it with you people!! We're going to hold this party at Luigi's Open Pit whether you like it or not, you can just sit at the table farthest from the "grill of death," as you Vegans put it, and you'll get salad bar only, including hydroponic tomatoes. But, you know, tomatoes have feelings, too. They scream when you slice them. I've heard them scream. I'm hearing them right now... Ha! I hope you all have a rotten holiday!
Drive drunk and die, you hear me?
The Bitch from Hell
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You see, our houseguests were vegetarians. Not just any vegetarians, but vegans. Vege-nazis. They were opposed not only to the consumption of meat but to a scroll of other foods including anything you might find in a normal supermarket. They had even considered boycotting broccoli when they discovered that it has a rudimentary central nervous system.
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Karlos
Joined: 01 Apr 2005
Posts: 81
Location: Manchester UK!
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Re: Pleasant non-demoninational vacational solicitations.
Posted: Mon Apr 18, 2005 3:58 am
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| metalman wrote: | | They had even considered boycotting broccoli when they discovered that it has a rudimentary central nervous system. |
Indeed. How do you think it managed all those James Bond movies?
_________________
paj = pajers ? pajers : (pajers ? pajers : (pajers ? pajers : (pajers ? pajers : aaaahPajers))); |
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star69
Joined: 11 Apr 2005
Posts: 10
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Re: Pleasant non-demoninational vacational solicitations.
Posted: Mon Apr 18, 2005 4:53 am
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| Karlos wrote: | | metalman wrote: | | They had even considered boycotting broccoli when they discovered that it has a rudimentary central nervous system. |
Indeed. How do you think it managed all those James Bond movies? |
That one really should have been in the other site under groaners corner!! |
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Wayne
Site Admin
Joined: 26 Mar 2005
Posts: 270
Location: Huntsville, AL
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Re: Pleasant non-demoninational vacational solicitations.
Posted: Mon Apr 18, 2005 4:56 am
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| star69 wrote: | | Karlos wrote: | | metalman wrote: | | They had even considered boycotting broccoli when they discovered that it has a rudimentary central nervous system. |
Indeed. How do you think it managed all those James Bond movies? |
That one really should have been in the other site under groaners corner!! |
While I'm not removing the Groaner's corner from AO, I will be moving most of the jokes in that thread to this forum, as it's much more appropriate for them to be here instead of on AO (not to mention that the 300+ post thread on AO is starting to take it's toll on the server).
Wayne |
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Vincent
Joined: 01 Apr 2005
Posts: 61
Location: Dundee, Scotland
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Posted: Mon Apr 18, 2005 5:32 am
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Hehe, we're killing the server with our groaners!
Maybe it is about time the newest of the groaner threads was locked. We've got this place now and it'll save the server
_________________
aka VinAC, VincentAC, Shelob |
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Karlos
Joined: 01 Apr 2005
Posts: 81
Location: Manchester UK!
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Re: Pleasant non-demoninational vacational solicitations.
Posted: Mon Apr 18, 2005 6:10 am
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| Wayne wrote: | While I'm not removing the Groaner's corner from AO, I will be moving most of the jokes in that thread to this forum, as it's much more appropriate for them to be here instead of on AO (not to mention that the 300+ post thread on AO is starting to take it's toll on the server).
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 You're moving all the jokes in that thread here? Sounds like you need a migration script for that LOL!
Say, is the original groaners still on there too?
_________________
paj = pajers ? pajers : (pajers ? pajers : (pajers ? pajers : (pajers ? pajers : aaaahPajers))); |
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Vincent
Joined: 01 Apr 2005
Posts: 61
Location: Dundee, Scotland
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Posted: Mon Apr 18, 2005 7:22 am
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*cough*
_________________
aka VinAC, VincentAC, Shelob |
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metalman
Joined: 31 Mar 2005
Posts: 130
Location: Laredo, TX
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Re: Pleasant non-demoninational vacational solicitations.
Posted: Mon Apr 18, 2005 9:21 pm
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| star69 wrote: |
That one really should have been in the other site under groaners corner!! |
Did you read the "full" story at the link??? |
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star69
Joined: 11 Apr 2005
Posts: 10
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Re: Pleasant non-demoninational vacational solicitations.
Posted: Tue Apr 19, 2005 1:52 am
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| metalman wrote: | | star69 wrote: |
That one really should have been in the other site under groaners corner!! |
Did you read the "full" story at the link??? |
I was making reference to Karlos' comment |
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