a man walks into a bar ...
- Thread starter metalman
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A man is sitting at the bar staring at his drink when a large, trouble-making biker steps up next to him, grabs the drink and chugs it down.
“Whatcha' gonna do about it?" the biker says, menacingly.
The man burst into tears. "Come on, man," the biker says, "I didn't think you'd cry. I can't stand to see a man crying.”
"This is the worst day of my life," the man said. "I'm a complete failure. I was late to a meeting and my boss fired me. When I went to the parking lot, I found my car had been stolen and I don't have insurance. I had to take a cab home. When I got home I found my wife with another man ... and then my own dog bit me."
"So, I came to this bar to work up the courage to put an end to it all. I buy a drink, I drop a capsule in it and sit here watching the poison dissolve."
Then you show up and drink the whole damn thing!
But, hell, enough about me, how are you doing?"
“Whatcha' gonna do about it?" the biker says, menacingly.
The man burst into tears. "Come on, man," the biker says, "I didn't think you'd cry. I can't stand to see a man crying.”
"This is the worst day of my life," the man said. "I'm a complete failure. I was late to a meeting and my boss fired me. When I went to the parking lot, I found my car had been stolen and I don't have insurance. I had to take a cab home. When I got home I found my wife with another man ... and then my own dog bit me."
"So, I came to this bar to work up the courage to put an end to it all. I buy a drink, I drop a capsule in it and sit here watching the poison dissolve."
Then you show up and drink the whole damn thing!
But, hell, enough about me, how are you doing?"
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img no work!! :/
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A woman went to the doctor asking for bigger breasts.
The doctor gave her the choice of either having an implant or wearing a special bra that inflates when you flap your arms up and down.
The woman chose the bra.
The next day she went to a bar to try out her new bra. She saw an attractive man sitting alone at the bar.
Flapping her arms, she strolled over to flirt with the man, who had started flapping his legs.
“I see we have the same doctor,” he said.
The doctor gave her the choice of either having an implant or wearing a special bra that inflates when you flap your arms up and down.
The woman chose the bra.
The next day she went to a bar to try out her new bra. She saw an attractive man sitting alone at the bar.
Flapping her arms, she strolled over to flirt with the man, who had started flapping his legs.
“I see we have the same doctor,” he said.
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A wife got so mad at her husband she packed his bags and told him to "Get the hell out!"
As he walked to the door she yelled "And I hope you die a long, slow, and very painful death!"
The husband turned around and replied "So you want me to stay??"
As he walked to the door she yelled "And I hope you die a long, slow, and very painful death!"
The husband turned around and replied "So you want me to stay??"
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A very drunk man in a bar orders another scotch.
The bartender says, "You're too drunk, Joe, go home.
Joe says, "Fine, I'll take my business elsewhere," and walks out.
A few minutes later he walks back in and says, "I'll have a scotch."
The bartender says, "Joe, I told you. You're too drunk. Go home."
Joe says, "Fine, I'll take my business elsewhere," and walks out.
A few minutes later he walks back in and says, "I'll have a scotch."
The bartender says, "Joe, for the last time. You're too drunk. Go home."
Joe says, "Fine, I'll take my business elsewhere," and walks out.
A few minutes later he walks back in, stops at the door, stares at the bartender and says, "God damn it! How many bars do you work at?"
The bartender says, "You're too drunk, Joe, go home.
Joe says, "Fine, I'll take my business elsewhere," and walks out.
A few minutes later he walks back in and says, "I'll have a scotch."
The bartender says, "Joe, I told you. You're too drunk. Go home."
Joe says, "Fine, I'll take my business elsewhere," and walks out.
A few minutes later he walks back in and says, "I'll have a scotch."
The bartender says, "Joe, for the last time. You're too drunk. Go home."
Joe says, "Fine, I'll take my business elsewhere," and walks out.
A few minutes later he walks back in, stops at the door, stares at the bartender and says, "God damn it! How many bars do you work at?"
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- Joined
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- Reaction score
- 3,006
A guy sits at a bar in a skyscraper restaurant high above the city. He slams a shot of tequila, goes over to the window and jumps out.
The guy sitting next to him can’t believe what he just saw. He’s more surprised when, 10 minutes later, the same guy walks back into the bar and sits down next to him.
The astonished onlooker asks, “How did you do that? I just saw you jump out the window, and we’re hundreds of feet above the ground!”
The jumper responds by slurring, “Well, I don’t get it either. I slam a shot of tequila, and when I jump out the window, the tequila makes me slow down right before I hit the ground. Watch.” He takes a shot, goes to the window and jumps out.
The other guy runs to the window and watches as the guy falls to just above the sidewalk, slows down and lands softly on his feet. A few minutes later, the jumper walks back into the bar.
The other guy has to try it, too, so he orders a shot of tequila. He slams it and jumps out the window. As he reaches the bottom, he doesn’t slow down at all. SPLAT!
The first guy orders another shot of tequila. The bartender shakes his head. “You’re really an a**hole when you’re drunk, Superman.”
The guy sitting next to him can’t believe what he just saw. He’s more surprised when, 10 minutes later, the same guy walks back into the bar and sits down next to him.
The astonished onlooker asks, “How did you do that? I just saw you jump out the window, and we’re hundreds of feet above the ground!”
The jumper responds by slurring, “Well, I don’t get it either. I slam a shot of tequila, and when I jump out the window, the tequila makes me slow down right before I hit the ground. Watch.” He takes a shot, goes to the window and jumps out.
The other guy runs to the window and watches as the guy falls to just above the sidewalk, slows down and lands softly on his feet. A few minutes later, the jumper walks back into the bar.
The other guy has to try it, too, so he orders a shot of tequila. He slams it and jumps out the window. As he reaches the bottom, he doesn’t slow down at all. SPLAT!
The first guy orders another shot of tequila. The bartender shakes his head. “You’re really an a**hole when you’re drunk, Superman.”
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A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a glass of "Less".
The bartender looks at the man confused “ What's Less?”
The man shrugs his shoulders “ I'm not sure, but my doctor tells me that's the brand I should be drinking.”
The bartender looks at the man confused “ What's Less?”
The man shrugs his shoulders “ I'm not sure, but my doctor tells me that's the brand I should be drinking.”
