Britain needs to stop messing about and just say - we are gone, nothing to negotiate - come talk to us when you get over yourselves. Grovelling for a deal is not the way to get a deal. The UK still has a bank and a currency of it's own and outside of EU law will be able to enact legislation to get around the worst of the pain. There is China to talk to, there is the US, there is Russia. EU companies will demand the EU allow them to trade with the UK on their old terms and the technocracy in Brussels will have very little choice.
In my opinion the mug in the picture is more accurate than your analysis but, meh, wrong thread so here's what today's Times has presented as a related "funny pic":Britain needs to stop messing about and .....