Just got on the train to divorce town.

faethor

faethor

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Not my choice. But, only 1 out of 2 get a vote.

Ahead is now all the stupid dividing stuff up. As long as I have physical custody of the kids I'm good.
 
sounds very annoying.
best wishes to everyone. Especially, the children
 
faethor said:
Not my choice. But, only 1 out of 2 get a vote.
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Sorry to hear that, faethor.
Harsh.

Ahead is now all the stupid dividing stuff up.
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I've been through that on a "house scale level" twice (with the same person, who is now one of my best friends. I know - long story). It can get pretty gruesome and difficult to keep things amicable once money enters into the equation. The best advice I can give (for whatever it's worth) is to try and see things from the other person's point of view and hope that they are able to afford you the same courtesy.

All the best to all concerned and I hope it isn't too hard on your children.
 
I've seen that before. Hope everyone acts like a grown up - and keep the lawyers away or everyone gets nothing.
There will come a time when the turmoil is behind you. Keep on swimming.
 
Not my choice. But, only 1 out of 2 get a vote.
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Well, it's sorta like once one person makes that vote for divorce, the other person's vote becomes irrelevant. It sucks to be holding the irrelevant vote. I went through it once, and I wouldn't wish it upon anyone. And I didn't even have any kids back then.

Ahead is now all the stupid dividing stuff up.
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I'll agree with Fluffy to keep the lawyers out of this part. Stuff is just stuff. It's probably worth less than the lawyers would charge, anyhow.

As long as I have physical custody of the kids I'm good.
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But probably not this one. You'll need all the help you can get, here. US courts are not fond of letting kids be with their dads, even when the mom is clearly incapable... :/ You're going to have an uphill fight, so be as prepared as possible! Haul out and document everything and don't pull any punches.
 
Sorry Robert! How not fun.

Thanks for the support! I have a good circle of friends and some old ones are coming out of the woodwork.
 
ilwrath said:
But probably not this one. You'll need all the help you can get, here. US courts are not fond of letting kids be with their dads, even when the mom is clearly incapable... :/ You're going to have an uphill fight, so be as prepared as possible! Haul out and document everything and don't pull any punches.
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This is sadly true. The mother would almost have to be incarcerated for a major offense, or not show up for court at all to not be awarded the kids by default. Hopefully yours will go more amicably.

Marriage is extremely difficult. It is amazing that my wife and I are still together with all the crap we went through. * Gay people don't know what they are getting into ;)

* - This is only a joke people! Relax!
 
redrumloa said:
Marriage is extremely difficult. It is amazing that my wife and I are still together with all the crap we went through. * Gay people don't know what they are getting into ;)

* - This is only a joke people! Relax!
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Gotta be honest, when gay marriage first became a thing, this was my first thought as well :-D

Sent from my ARCHOS 80G9 using Tapatalk 4
 
Good luck wrt the divorce mate, if you need to chat I'll listen. Take care!

Sent from my ARCHOS 80G9 using Tapatalk 4
 
Can divorces go well? I asked for primary custody and she agreed? She commented that I have more patience and do a better job than she would. She was a bit worried I'd want her to be primary. Wow!

To be fair I am more often the caretaker.
 
faethor said:
Not my choice. But, only 1 out of 2 get a vote.

Ahead is now all the stupid dividing stuff up. As long as I have physical custody of the kids I'm good.
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Family courts determine custody based on the “best interests of the child.” which means 98% of time they automatically give custody to the mother

Why Do Divorce Laws Marginalize Men?


a woman can simply accuse her husband of sexual or physical abuse (or simply express "a fear" of abuse) and instantly win a restraining order forcing him away from his home and any contact with his children, without so much as a hearing. In fact, most divorce lawyers will advise a woman to do this
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Her Attorney who s none existent, she doesn't want to spend the cash. I am on final throws of selecting my Attorney.
 
faethor said:
Her Attorney who s none existent, she doesn't want to spend the cash. I am on final throws of selecting my Attorney.
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Yes, divorces CAN go well. Have your deal sorted out before there are attorneys. After that you just want an attorney who just processes the paperwork. If your attorney tries to advise you about what you should be asking for - fire them.
Depending on where you live you may just be able to do the paperwork and file it yourself. The less "professional" advice the better (in my opinion). Remember that they bill by the hour so the longer they fight, the better for them.
If she is letting you have custody and she has basically no attorney it sounds like she doesn't want a fight. Accept that.
 
faethor said:
Can divorces go well? I asked for primary custody and she agreed? She commented that I have more patience and do a better job than she would. She was a bit worried I'd want her to be primary. Wow!

To be fair I am more often the caretaker.
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That is perfect. You will be a good parent.
 
Can divorces go well? I asked for primary custody and she agreed? She commented that I have more patience and do a better job than she would. She was a bit worried I'd want her to be primary. Wow!
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Well, that is really good news. It sounds like she wants what is best for the kids, and is still acting fairly enough that she believes you would do that for them.

Even then, though, I would still approach this one with extreme caution, and still make sure you have built and documented your case as to why you should have custody.

My cousin was through a similar divorce. He was their primary caregiver, and the kids love him, and were begging to be with him. Their mother agreed at first, and then mid-way through the proceedings she changed her mind and decided she wanted the kids, after all. Final ruling? He gets to see them four days a month... And had to move across the country to even get that. :/

a woman can simply accuse her husband of sexual or physical abuse (or simply express "a fear" of abuse) and instantly win a restraining order forcing him away from his home and any contact with his children, without so much as a hearing.
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This is also very true. I had a restraining order against me for fear of abuse, despite the fact I never (nor could I ever) have laid a finger on my ex. The documented reason she didn't feel safe? I tossed aside a $5 cordless desk phone that I happened to be holding one day that she picked a fight with me. I still have a picture of it, somewhere. It had a small scuff on it.
 
Just my $0.02, take it for what it is.

It probably goes without saying, but do everything possible to shield the kids from the divorce and any verbal altercations. Spend a lot of extra time explaining to the kids that it is not their fault and both parents love them. A bitterly fought divorce can scar a child.

I don't know the particulars and really not my business. In a general sense I'd say be as accommodating as possible, while working with your attorney. Hopefully there can be some sort of civility after the divorce for the children's sake.

-Edit-
On the plus side, children (both boys and girls) absolutely need a father figure so it is very good that you should get custody.
 
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