a man walks into a bar ...

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– Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool.

so I gave him a glass of water.
 
A man was riding on a full bus minding his own business when the gorgeous woman next to him started to breast-feed her baby. The baby wouldn’t take it so she said, “Come on sweetie, eat it all up or I’ll have to give it to this nice man next to us.”

Five minutes later the baby was still not feeding, so she said, “Come on, honey. Take it or I’ll give it to this nice man here.”

A few minutes later the anxious man blurted out, “Come on kid. Make up your mind ! I was supposed to get off four stops ago!!
 
A man walks into his bedroom and sees his wife packing a suitcase.

He asks, “What are you doing?”
She answers, “I’m moving to Nevada! "
"I heard that prostitutes there get paid $400.00 for what I’m doing for YOU for FREE!”

Later that night, on her way out, the wife walks into the bedroom and sees her husband packing his suitcase.
She asks him where he’s going?
He replies, “I’m going to Nevada also."
"I want to see how you live on $800 a year"
 
Sometimes you run into a person who changes your life for the better

...

they are called "bartenders"
 
A woman was very distraught at the fact that she had not had a date or any sex in quite some time.

She was afraid she might have something wrong with her, so she decided to seek the medical expertise of a sex therapist. Her doctor recommended that she see Dr. Chang, the well-known Chinese sex therapist, so she went to see him.

Upon entering the examination room, Dr. Chang said, "OK, take off all you crose." The woman did as she was told. "Now, get down and craw reery, reery fass to odder side of room." Again, the woman did as she was instructed. Dr. Chang then said, "OK, now craw reery, reery fass back to me." So she did.

Dr. Chang shook his head slowly and said, "Your probrem vewy bad. You haf Ed Zachary Disease. Worse case I ever see. Dat why you not haf sex or dates."

Worried, the woman asked anxiously, "Oh my God, Dr. Chang, what is Ed Zachary Disease?"

Dr. Chang looked the woman in the eye and replied, "Ed Zachary Disease is when your face rook Ed Zachary rike your ass."
 
Half a league half a league,
Half a league onward,
All in the valley of Death


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