Bizarro News

metalman said:
The Guardian:
I stopped going to the gym because of Trump. Now I can't open jars

If you think this is one of those situations where the headline sounds absurd but the actual story makes sense, you are wrong.
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Dangit! You beat me! Anyhow, here's some commentary on it.

Guardian: ‘I Stopped Going to the Gym Because of Trump. Now I Can’t Open Jars

Sometimes, you almost wonder whether the Guardian isn’t secretly a sinister right-wing plot to make left-wing people look utterly ridiculous.

In fact, often you wonder this:

https://twitter.com/x/status/864177050063704064
https://twitter.com/x/status/854933381938917376
https://twitter.com/x/status/822921927580905473
https://twitter.com/x/status/822890336360009728
 
Miami man with no arms charged with stabbing Chicago tourist

180711-jonathan-crenshaw.jpg


MIAMI (AP) — A homeless Florida man with no arms has been charged with stabbing a Chicago tourist.

Miami Beach police say 46-year-old Jonathan Crenshaw held a pair of scissors with his feet and stabbed 22-year-old Cesar Coronado just after midnight Tuesday. The Miami Herald reports that Crenshaw is a popular fixture in the area, known for painting on canvases along a trendy spot in South Beach.

According to the arrest report, Crenshaw says he was lying down when Coronado approached him and kicked him in the head. Police say Crenshaw stabbed Coronado twice and fled the scene.

A friend who was traveling with Coronado said they asked Crenshaw for directions when he suddenly jumped up and stabbed Coronado in his arm. He was taken to the hospital.

Crenshaw has been charged with aggravated battery.
 
Robert said:
Dangerous plutonium stolen from rental car in a hotel parking lot
The March 2017 theft of plutonium and cesium is only now coming to light.
facepalm-640x427.jpg
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The sources are encapsulated in a stainless steel tube, stamped with a serial #, isotope, danger warning

When I carried sources they had to be inside a locked carrying case, that was then locked to the vehicle (chain welded to frame) inside the trunk

Guess government employees have different rules
 
metalman said:
Bigfoot erotica lands author $30,000 a month

Cum For Bigfoot: Volume One, Books 1-5
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Democratic Virginia Congressional Candidate Accuses Opponent Of Liking Bigfoot Erotica

A candidate for Congress in Virginia is attempting to smear her opponent by claiming he is a "devotee of Bigfoot erotica."

Leslie Cockburn, the Democratic candidate for Virginia’s 5th District has accused her opponent, Denver Riggleman, on Twitter claiming he has been "exposed." The tweet included a picture from Riggleman’s Instagram account of a "Bigfoot" with a back "censored" box over his . . . er . . . private areas.

"This is not what we need on Capitol Hill," Cockburn tweeted.

Riggleman told The Washington Post that he has no interest in Bigfoot erotica, and that "we’re stunned by it."
 
Canadian Man Changes Gender for Cheaper Car Insurance

In an attempt to save on car insurance, a Canadian male legally changed his gender to female resulting in almost $1,100 in savings.

According to CBC News, a man in his early 20's and only identified as "David" wanted to buy a Chevrolet Cruze and was given an insurance quote around $4,500. He then asked the insurer if his costs would change if he was a woman. He was told his yearly insurance bill would be reduced to $3,400, or $1,100 less.

“I was pretty angry about that,” David told CBC news. “And I didn’t feel like getting screwed over any more.”

When he asked the insurance agent to change his gender on the policy, his request was denied.

So instead, he changed his gender on his birth certificate and license by first obtaining a doctor's note by telling the doctor he identified as a woman.

“It was pretty simple,” he said. “I just basically asked for it and told them that I identify as a woman, or I’d like to identify as a woman, and he wrote me the letter I wanted.”

When David applied to change his gender, he was required to have a doctor's note, but since then, the requirement has been removed.

David claims he “took advantage of a loophole” and that he felt like he “beat the system.”

“I did it for cheaper insurance,” David said.

By switching his gender, David was able to save $91 a month.
 
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