AMERICANS WITHOUT HEALTH INSURANCE ATTACK PLAN TO GIVE THEM HEALTH INSURANCE
FAT, stupid Americans with no health insurance have attacked plans to
stop them dying so easily.
Across the United States poor people who are told what to think by
television said President Obama's plan to give them free healthcare
could lead to them being treated in a hospital that was not run by the
Chicago Mafia.
Bill McKay, a retired shitkicker and Fox News analyst, from Kentucky,
said: "I would rather replace my own hip using a rusty spoon than wait
two months to have it done in a communist hospital, by some
coffee-coloured faggot doctor who will then eat my unborn child to
celebrate the end of Ramadan."
Barbara Hayes, a God-fearer, from Arkansas, added: "Ah see'd some woman
from England on the Fox News sayin' her muslim communist doctor would
only give her the good medicines if she denounced Jesus. Ah ain't
denouncin' Jesus fir nobody, no siree."
But Dr Tom Logan, head of public health at the Institute for Studies,
said: "The key difference between the United States and Britain is that
we treat poor people rather than leaving them to die in a skip.
"It may take a few weeks or even months, and not everyone is happy about
that, but we do at least all agree that it is marginally better than the
skip."
He added: "Rich people have a thing called 'BUPA'. No-one knows what it
stands for, though some people say it sounds as if it might be Indian.
But it does mean you get your own room, quick treatment, nice food, and
you get fawned over by nurses who were just that bit too sexy for the
NHS."
Meanwhile Conservative leader David Cameron was forced to defend the NHS
after Tory MEP Daniel Hannan's ego told Fox News that Britain's health
system was 'worse than a lifetime of anal warts'.
A Conservative spokesman said: "We're not really sure what Daniel
Hannan's problem is with the NHS. Perhaps they were unable to save his
hair."
Stephen Malley, professor of American History at Reading University,
added: "To be fair to Fox News and the Republicans, they do have a
principled objection to socialised medicine based largely on the fact
that a black man won the election.
"The thing you must always remember about the American right wing is
that they are basically the baddies in a film."